For Cod and Ulster

Your correspondent happens to have family from both north and south of the border that rends in twain this unhappy isle. He likes to believe that being of both Irish Catholic and Ulster-Scots Protestant stock gives him a unique perspective on the problems of Northern Ireland. What ever about that, I do at least get the latest jokes straight out of East Belfast. It's inevitably black humour. Before the late David Ervine was even cold, for example, I received the news that his son wanted his famous facial hair removed before burial. Why, ask puzzled mortuary staff. "Oh, it's the 'tash my father wore", says Ervine Jr. solemnly.

Anyway, the latest missive to wing its way south was a menu from a chipper called For Cod & Ulster. I'm probably behind the times, since they claim to have been featured on the BBC and UTV, and in the Sunday World, Sun, and Irish News. Patrons can choose a Drumcree, Lambeg or Red Hand if they're in a chicken mood, but if you're more of a beef fan, how about something from the "B" Specials? There's an Ian Paisley burger, or a Gerry Adams, which is just that little bit cheaper. If you've kids along, why not go for King Billy's Family Feast? They might just be pushing it with "David Healy Chips It In", however.

The menu is all in blue, white and red, naturally. It's hard to know whether to laugh or cry. I suppose it's just another reminder of just how divided Northern Ireland is. There can be no progress on the constitutional question until hearts and minds are won over. The present arrangement solves the problem of terrorism in the short term, which is obviously wonderful. But both Good Friday and St. Andrews were Sunningdale for slow learners; we're now back to where we were in 1973, except that now nationalists have to be included in government. Does this ensure that unionists can no longer dominate and discriminate? Sure. It's still something of a sectarian carve-up. And it's not historic, to those with any sense of history. Historic would be revisiting the Government of Ireland Act 1920.

That's not going to happen until there's no longer such a rigid dichotomy between Unionist and Nationalist. A new report published this week shows that children born in the last decade are pretty much as divided as their parents and grandparents were. The "peace lines" that still riddle Belfast are a mute testament to the tension that still exists on the ground between Catholic and Protestant. Note that no-one is clamouring for these to be dismantled, yet they are far more important to a long-term rapprochement than military bases in south Armagh.

For Cod & Ulster invites people to "come in and relieve the history of NI on the big screen or read one of the many books on our culture". For all that they've got a picture of Gerry on their shutter, one imagines only one culture is being commemorated in there.